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I don't think my heart has ever hurt so deeply. These beautiful girls. Our beautiful Satsuki. I can't imagine life without her. They've grown up together, filling our house time and again with life, laughter and love over the years. They went from cute, little girls to the most amazing young women and the best of friends I've ever seen over such a span of time.

I walked from room to room in my house this morning with smiles and tears, remembering the five of them together... excited hellos, little girl giggles, coats and hats, chocolate chip cookie making, stuffed animals, fingernail polish and playing with makeup. Twirly little girl dresses, jammies and slippers, moms, dads, sisters and brothers dropping off and picking up girls.

Oh, the piles of blankets and late night silliness, and then sleepy morning smiles, waffles and crepes made with wheat flour and rice flour. There were often snacks and movies, the most current favorite books shared, memories of school choir, ukuleles and beautiful voices singing together. How blessed I was to have these girls in my music classes and choir at Ridgeline and how blessed we have been to have them in our home.

I remember patches of paint on my family room wall for years while trying to pick out just the right color, and then Azusa happily celebrating the day she saw the walls painted all one color! It still makes me smile.

There were always lots of shoes by the front door, so small at first and then taking up more room as the years went by. Memories of swim suits & sprinklers and tents in the back yard, adventure trips, jog-a-thons, carpooling, Halloween costumes and zombies. I'll never forget the year that Jon's class dressed up like pirates for school picture day! There have been so many birthday parties, slumber parties and end of the school years parties - photo upon photo of their life together, for which I am grateful. Especially now. Ucenter Dress junior teenage cocktail party garments

I have loved watching them grow up, exchanging gifts with one another, sharing hearts and hugs, sometimes with tears in their eyes. Much was said, often with few words. We teased Satsuki for falling asleep during most of the late night movies, but over the years, she grew to be more of a night owl. :-)

Years passed and then came dressing up for Prom, Homecoming and high school concerts. Time was spent arranging get togethers over holiday breaks, walking along the river, sailing on the lake and doing homework together. Memories of macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes, pizza, pasta, curry, Starbucks and bubble tea.

Then, performing in musicals together, lip syncing videos, making up their own America's Got Talent shows, ballet recitals, composing music and watching Satsuki and Jessica perform a duet on the Hult Center stage together. I can picture the night they hung hundreds of candles in the forest for Jessica's first music video. I am still so touched by the love and the support they have for each other.

Many winters have passed... snowfall, snow days, umbrellas and raindrops, just hanging out together. Laughter, silliness, knowing their love for each other went so deep, overlooking each other's weaknesses, making mistakes, forgiving, assuming the best, hoping and believing for the world. Buses to the Country Fair, face painting, Bhangra dancing, Asian Celebrations, Choir Festivals, adolescence, learning to drive, boys, dates, clothes and makeup, curling hair, well, except for Satsuki's.

And finally, graduation, making future plans, sharing hopes and dreams, heartaches and fears... life cut short... and goodbyes, but not always spoken.

Satsuki, you live within all of our hearts. You are part of who we are. The depth of love that you, Emma, Eve, Sedonah and Jessica have for each other has etched a lasting imprint on our whole family's hearts.

Now just four, but really, always five... because you will always be with us in spirit. We love you, dear girl of ours! We are all better people because of you. Watch over us and know we will carry you with us wherever we go, sweet Satsuki! ????